i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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