I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
