Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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