I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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