she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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