508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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