Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
