Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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