Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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