the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
