Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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