Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
