The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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