she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
