How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
