Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
two words...techno handjob
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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