I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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