theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
