I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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