What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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