4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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