my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
