yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
