i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
