OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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