Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
