Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have fence marks all over my body
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
