Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
