just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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