i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
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