this boner is exhausting
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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