Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
