it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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