I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
