I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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