He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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