did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
