Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
