just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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