I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
