He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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