what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
