I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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