Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You took a bar mat shot.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
