We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
