So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
