i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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