Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
