k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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