Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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