I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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