Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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