You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
