i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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