I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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