Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
